Small Victories
I’ve spent the first three months of 2011 focusing a lot of energy and time on myself. That might not sound like a big deal, but as the mother of a toddler, I rarely even get to go the bathroom alone. So any time that is genuinely spent on me is a plus.
In the past, when I wanted to have “me time”, it has usually involved going out to eat with girlfriends or going shopping. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still love shopping. But I’ve been trying to redefine the time I spent on and for myself. And as much I as I love wandering the mall, it was really doing anything for me.
So the past few months have been a combination of 5K training and Weight Watchers meetings. And to be honest, progress has felt slow. Every week I huff and puff. Running hurts. I’m achy in the morning when I wake up. My alarm going off at 5:15 to get to the gym before work mostly just makes me cranky. I kept getting frustrated because it never felt any easier.
The weight loss has been slow too. A pound here. Half a pound there. Slooooow. I’m eating more fruit. I’m eating less junk. I’m tracking points and making better choices. But it isn’t any easier. I still can’t just walk into a restaurant and eat whatever I want and expect to magically lose weight.
Caught up in the individual moments, they feel hard. I keep expecting to hit a stride where I don’t have to put some much damn effort in every week, every day, every exhausting minute. But then I look behind me at the last three months.
I don’t have any pictures of me running, but a good friend pointed out I should post more pictures of me in general. So here you are, Kara. You’re welcome.
When I started training to run, I could only last for 30 seconds. It felt hard and I was sweaty and cursing silently in my head about what a stupid idea this whole thing running was.
Last week I ran for 25 minutes without walking. Every second of those 25 minutes felt hard and I was even more sweaty and still cursing like a sailor in my mind. But just seven weeks ago I would not have thought what I am now was even possible. I might not like it the way that real runners do, but I do get a twisted sense of accomplishment each time I finish what I set out to do.
My runs all start out the same. A few minutes of me telling myself I can’t do this, it’s too long, it’s too far, I’m too tired. A few more minutes follow of me trying distracting myself with music, vacation plans, closed captioning on the tv mounted in front of me. In the middle there are fleeting thoughts of maybe this isn’t so bad after all. Those never lasts long.
Then there is a point in the run where I realize I am actually going to finish it. Quitting isn’t an option since I’ve already made it this far. Might as well keep going, one foot in front of the other in the endless loop of the spinning treadmill.
It isn’t pretty, but it’s progress.
Weight Watchers for me has been much the same. All those weeks that would have gone by anyway are marked by my little losses. They seem almost insignificant as they pass. One pound? Really, one pound. That doesn’t feel like anything. Half a pound feels like a joke.
Twelve weeks later and those tiny losses have added up to 11.5 pounds. That’s actually five percent of my starting body weight. Suddenly that doesn’t feel so insignificant after all.
The grey star is my 5% (my first goal) and the (new) goal weight line is my 10%
Last week, I bought myself a “new” dress. It actually isn’t really new, it came from the Goodwill. It’s a halter dress in tropical, almost paisley print and I loved it the second I saw it. It fits perfectly, exactly right. And I had a moment of realization in the cramped dressing room that twelve weeks ago, it wouldn’t have fit at all.
It was the best $6 I’ve spent in a long time.
Mrs. R
March 31st, 2011 @ 12:43 pm
Good to know you’re sticking with running despite hating it. I’m wanting to tackle a couch to 5K as well. NOT a runner, but I would love to love it…
I just need to learn to do it whether I love it or not.
Thanks for stopping by my blog for PYHO!
Mrs. R´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday
Dr. Blondie
March 31st, 2011 @ 12:44 pm
I love this post. So, so, so proud of you!!!:)
Dr. Blondie´s last [type] ..small steps- stepping out in faith
Jessica
Twitter: mytimeasmom
April 1st, 2011 @ 1:51 am
Good for you for spending time on yourself and for sticking with your goals even when the progress is really slow.
Jessica´s last [type] ..Frozen toes and no more clothes
Kara
April 1st, 2011 @ 11:27 pm
Good Gosh you are beautiful! So freakin’ proud of you. Can I be you when I grow up?
hotpants™
April 3rd, 2011 @ 5:16 pm
I’m glad my friend knows her way around a camera. Otherwise, I would have no pictures of myself. You look great!
hotpants™´s last [type] ..2011 Ultimate Blog Party
Nessa
April 8th, 2011 @ 4:48 pm
Go you… little bits add up to a whole lot.
Nessa´s last [type] ..Moments- Our Week