Life Before
The funny thing about Hubby and my relationship is that we’ve never had a completely child-free time. Most couples have a year or a few years when they are dating, engaged, or newly married before that first little baby enters the picture and turns everything on its head. Hubby has had K completely on his own since she was only 6 months old.
I first met K when she was five and half year old. Those who were around for that remember my terror in trying to convince a five year old to like me. I went the bribery route and showed up on the front door with a My Little Pony for her. That led to us climbing around the living room, rolling under the coffee table, and building a couch cushion fort for said Pony. Lucky for me, K likes pretty much everyone.
Since Hubby was a single dad with a small kiddo at home, after our first few dates we really didn’t go out often. We stayed in and made dinner together, we watched tons of movies, we found a few TV shows to watch as a couple. We went out from time to time, but much less often that the average twenty-something dating couple.
We learned to make the most out of the hours after K went to bed. That was our time. Our dates started at 8 p.m. every night and honestly, I’m enough of a homebody that I rarely felt like we were missing out on anything. I think in a lot of ways it prepared us for life with Bink.
The big difference between an older child and a wee infant is the sleep factor. K rarely got up at night by the time I met her. She would wake us up in the morning to tell us she was awake (and that is all), but she gave up that habit soon too.
I can remember a night when Binky was less than two weeks old. I was all hopped up on hormones from, I don’t know, giving birth to a small human. We were nursing and Bink hadn’t had a bottle or pacifier yet. He also refused to sleep anywhere that wasn’t touching someone. I hadn’t slept for more than two and half hours at a time in DAYS. Hubby and I slept in shifts and since I have the boobs, I got the night shift. Bink and I would stay up until 5 a.m. together and then I would wake up Hubby begging for help.
That one night I just got overwhelmed with it all. I say “that one night” like I only got overwhelmed once. Ha. I sat on the couch with the baby in my lap and sobbed to Hubby. I miss you. I miss us. I miss sleeping in the same bed with you. I’m (sniffle, sniffle, sniffle) so (jagged breathing) tired (sob, sob, sob). I miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss yooooooooou. Waaaaaaah.
I can remember feeling like nothing would ever be the same. It was the first real time I felt the shift in my marriage. It may have been magnified by the hormones and lack of sleep.
Nine months later, the hormones are mostly in check. Mostly. The Bink however, hasn’t quite gotten the hang of sleeping through the night. He is still getting up at least once or twice every night.
The main problem with the Bink not sleeping is that it means that I’m not sleeping (duh). The main problem with that is mostly my coping technique is to go to bed really early. Like 8 or 9 p.m. early many night. I know, I’m super cool. And the main problem with that is that it cuts into the old 8 p.m. date time with Hubby. Hubby, since he is working full time and taking college classes at night, often needs to stay up past 8 p.m. Can’t imagine why, can you?
I make an effort to stay up late…er 10 p.m. late, not midnight late or anything, I’m no spring chicken
… a night or two a week. And we try to have lunch together at least once a week. It’s really nice to see Hubby when we’re awake and no one is crying or attached to my boob.
I’ve had a few brief glimpses of what life with like before Bink this week. As I mentioned on Friday, I spent a few hours last week without the Bink to some shopping and have some “me” time. But the time that made me feel most like my pre-baby self was a few short hours on Saturday night.
Hubby’s parents were in town for the weekend so we packed up the kids and went to a great near-by park. We played on the playground. We dipped our toes in the Chesapeake Bay. Bink ate some sand. Hubby and K played catch with a football. We sat outside in the sun and enjoyed the lovely Spring day.
Apparently, that much fresh air and sunshine was exhausting for all of us. Bink came right home and took a nap. I accidentally took a nap with him since I fell asleep while we were nursing. By 8:30 p.m., everyone in our house was ready for bed…including Hubby! That never happens. The children, the in-laws, the dog, everyone was asleep. And Hubby and I were alone! And it was quiet!
We made the most of that time by laying in bed and talking about random things. Seriously, I can’t remember a single thing we talked about, so I’m assuming they weren’t important. What I do remember is that feeling of connection with Hubby. The kind that sometimes gets forgotten in all the hullabaloo of working and raising kids. The kind that is hard to keep up when I’m so tired I fall asleep face down on the bed with my clothes on after a long day of work.
For that fleeting hour or so on Saturday night, we were the old us. It reminded me of all the reasons I love my husband. And it gives me hope that one day we’ll be back to that us. Or that there is an even better us to become.
Samantha
February 11th, 2011 @ 2:16 am
Visiting from SITS! Congrats on being featured today!
This was a great post for me to read. I’m currently 5 months pregnant with my first child, and just knowing the baby is coming has been a huge adjustment for us. I’m excited, but also a little nervous, to see what changes will come once the baby is actually here! I hope my husband and I will still have lots of “the old us” moments!
Samantha´s last [type] ..Life Rearranged
swizzlestickmama
February 11th, 2011 @ 8:03 am
Ugh. Do I remember that!
We’ve been there too- and last year after being sick of feeling like we were just roommates, I instituted a weekly date night.
My youngest, Peach was about 7 months old, so it was tough sometimes. But, like you guys, date night started after 8pm…and has been many different things. But, we look forward to that time together so much!
We are on to year 2 of our weekly date nights (sometimes, date days) and loving it. And, yes, I think we are better than the old us– we are a new us, with so much more appreciation for each other.
Sandy
Twitter: sandyra
February 11th, 2011 @ 8:05 am
I can totally relate to this! As a mom of 6, those moments alone with my hubby are few and far between. However, when we do get time together those moments are so much more special.
Sandy´s last [type] ..A Muffin Tin Meal
Christine
February 11th, 2011 @ 8:45 am
LOVE your blog! I liked you on fb…and will come back often! Have a super great weekend!
Christine´s last [type] ..Mr Clean!
Shannon {Discipline Project}
Twitter: shannonentin
February 11th, 2011 @ 8:54 am
Awww…. Been there. Congrats on your SITS day!
Shannon {Discipline Project}´s last [type] ..Bread and Circuses
Teresha@ Marlie and Me
Twitter: Mommy2Marlie
February 11th, 2011 @ 10:25 am
This post is just oozing with honesty and good advice. Once kids arrive, you have to make an effort for “me” time and couple time. HAPPY SITS Day!
p.s. you proved my theory that all babies eat sand at the beach
Teresha@ Marlie and Me´s last [type] ..Love Bytes Tip 4- Raise Your Emotional IQ
bianca
Twitter: becomingbianca
February 11th, 2011 @ 11:05 am
What a wonderful story! My hubs also has a little girl, though she lives with her mom – so it’s not quite the same as your situation… but I can relate in a way. Also, I love that you call your son Binky – that was actually a nickname for me from my mom and she still calls me that sometimes. Thanks for an honest glimpse into the pains, exhaustion and joy of motherhood
bianca´s last [type] ..i am not…
bianca
Twitter: becomingbianca
February 11th, 2011 @ 11:05 am
P.S. Happy SITS day!
bianca´s last [type] ..i am not…
Caren with a "C"
February 11th, 2011 @ 12:54 pm
Happy SITS day! I remember those months and even years of sleep deprivation! It isn’t fun and no one can really give you a glimpse of what it is really like until it is too late to turn back. I sympathize with you totally!
Caren with a “C”´s last [type] ..DreamDinnerscom – Save Time- Money- and Eat Healthy
Licia
February 11th, 2011 @ 1:45 pm
I can completely relate to how you have been feeling. Even though you know it will eventually get better, it’s just so hard!!
Congratulations on your SITS day. Enjoy!
Licia´s last [type] ..30 years wait
Mellisa
Twitter: mellisarock
February 11th, 2011 @ 5:44 pm
Visiting from SITS – congrats on your feature day! What a great post! With 4 kids I know just what you mean. Glad that you were finally able to get some time together!
Mellisa´s last [type] ..Cheerios Snow Food Coloring Spring Fun
Varda (SquashedMom)
February 11th, 2011 @ 8:59 pm
Visiting from SITS. This is a lovely and honest post. I look forward to getting to know you & your blog better.
Varda (SquashedMom)´s last [type] ..R is for Really Wretched
Kimberly
February 12th, 2011 @ 5:35 pm
I will never ever forget the first of many nights I saw the sun come up while trying to get my older son to sleep. It’s different than getting up early to see the sun rise when you’ve hardly gone to sleep and he’s been up since 1 a.m.
Glad you hung in there…the child I mentioned…well, now he’s 14 and I can hardly get him to stay awake. Times change
Kimberly´s last [type] ..Eat What You Can Reach
April
February 20th, 2011 @ 11:42 am
Hi! visiting from SITS. Wow! your pics are amazing! I am like you with the auto feature! I have always loved photography and when I was younger and still using my 35mm I knew how to use all the settings then my dear hubby bought me a digital camera and to be honest it took amazing pics in the auto setting…so it’s been about 7 years since I have fooled with the settings on a camera. but my camera was so big and bulky…it was just to hard chasing after three little ones carring that big camera and everything else! It kept getting bumped around so I get a little teeny one that fits in my back pocket and to take good pics you have to adjust the settings…at first I wanted to return the thing because I missed being lazy and getting fabulous pics without having to work for them! lol but now that I have been playing around with it, it is all coming back to me and I am remembering why I love photography so much! Glad to have found you blog! I would love for you to stop by mine and check out some of my pics if you have a minute! ~April
Julie
April 26th, 2011 @ 12:09 am
Found you on SITS! Love your pictures and can definitely relate to those long, sleepless nights! I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel though, I promise!
Julie´s last [type] ..The Chocolate Hangover
Pacifier In My Pocket | Life Before Bink
August 2nd, 2011 @ 8:49 am
[...] Today’s “Oldie, But Goodie” is from March 22, 2010 and it is called Life Before. [...]